Not feeling beautiful

I’ve wondered how some hearts that are cold and filled with so much hate can be Loved by so many but the purest hearts can’t be Loved once. Its hard to put into words but ill try

When a Heart is loved you can see it. The person glows differently. It takes and shines a light that is soft and illuminates it. You can see a beauty that radiates from its deepest space. It has a beauty that words are insufficient to describe. It’s light and you can see it’s flight. But when a Heart doesn’t feel this beauty it feels cold and misplaced almost lost between the light and shadows. Most would say it’s better to have Loved once then not to have Loved at all but let me ask this. How does a Heart sink so rapidly into that abyss of shadows when it feels cold and distant. When it seeks to grasp just one small niche of Love.

Every little girl has dreams of being loved. I was no different. It was a safe dream for me to have when all the pain I was going thru got to much. Oh, I didn’t want a Knight to come galloping in on some white steed and rescue me. I just longed for a Heart who could see mine and hold it. It was just that “a dream”. I’ve never seen myself as being one of thoes girls who thought herself as being beautiful, or better then any one.I only knew I was different than the others. At least my heart was. I’d feel an overwhelming amount of pain and hold onto hope that there was a Love out there just for my heart.

So many times I’d pray and wish that I could be like the others who were noticed but being as shy as I was I didn’t think I even stood a chance.

But alas, it wasn’t meant for me. At least that’s what my heart said. It was like being caged and having your wings clipped. Planted into a ground where you didn’t want to be. As I grew up I clung to this idea of Love that.. well maybe wasn’t what Love is! I believed in fairytales of the heart. My very own fairytale. But it never happened. Not for me.

I talked once of how a Heart feels like it explodes when it’s hurt. You can’t think,or catch your breath. You want to scream so loudly that you shatter all glass. Instinctively you’re heart puts itself into a locked box to protect its self from total destruction. I’ve had this happen to mine. When this happens you’re between light and shadows. It makes things worse when you’re and empath. What I don’t get is why the purest of hearts can not seem to have its desire? Especially when it stays true.is it only there to service others?

Maybe if it was like the others it would get its own but it doesn’t ever seem that way. When its had just a small taste of its dreams, it wants more. Exposing your heart is absolutely terrifying. It makes an already vulnerable heart more vulnerable if that’s even possible.

My own heart today is not feeling beautiful it’s questioning every dream and desire it’s ever had. All it wants is to fly with its wings given out of love. But how does it do that when it feels like chains have been placed on it. To me, Love in it’s simplest form is freedom. Maybe the key is to Love without desires but what then? I’ve seen so many hearts that have this undenying calculating coldness. And thoes hearts get everything they want. Why not the ones which stay pure to Love? Maybe these questions will never get an answer but hope is enternal and just maybe if I pray really hard that I’ll have my hearts desire too.

Starlights gaze upon its one angel. Whoes screams go unheard. Her tears are as floods upon this land. She knows nothing more then to Love. Her dreams have faded into the dust. Like quicksand they seem to dissapear. Her authentically pure heart has carried her here but at what sacrifice only to be caged with the expectation of a cold world. Hear her cries and feel her tears for when an angel cries heaven loses and angel©