He sits upon his throne
Comprised of his conquests
Their bones and swords
Made this throne
As he sat within the shadows
From where he
Silently viewed her
Each time
He saw that
Her heart broke
He would grip
The arm of his throne
Until the blood flowed
Their story continues©

She was a maiden of light
Sheltered by a prison
Known only pain from
The world she’d been born into
Her reflection cried
For the dream
She desired most
Learning to accept
Her fate she lived
Each day alone
Clinging to the light
Which shown from
Deep inside
Their story continues©

Now, this king
Was comfortable
Living from within
The shadows
From where he could
Carry out his vengeance
Upon his enemies
The shadows gave him
The desired cover he needed
To do the work
His life had become
Or so he had thought
And their story continues©

His days were
Planning and executing
The vengeance
Upon thoes enemies
His gaze was fixed
And the thrust of
His sword swift
With showing no mercy
Until one day
He noticed a
Small pulsating light
Which broke the
Darkness of his
Comfortable shadow
And their story continues©

He tried to ignore it
But as his days went on
It became brighter
Until he could no longer
Deny it’s existence
He needed to find it’s source
To extinguish its light
For it broke the shadows
In which he lived
Unbenonced to him
This would change him
And their story continues©

Now, as he searched
This maiden of light
Worked tirelessly
To do what was
Expected of her
Her wings clipped
By men of this world
Who showed her no quarter
The beasts tried to chain
And cage her
But her light came from
Where her dreams resided
And their story continues©

They blindfolded her
To try and control her light
Shackled her hands and feet
Placing demands on her
That imprisoned her Soul
She continued to obey
For she knew no better
But her pulsating light
That she tried to hide
Would be what
Would rescue her
And their story continues©

As the king stepped
Out of the shadows
Things he thought
Were familar
Became foreign to him
He ended up
Lost within this world
He had left behind
The only guide
He had before him
Was the moonlight
Illuminating this light
He knew he had to find it
And their story continues©

Day and night
He searched
Until he came upon a clearing
There he stood
Witnessing a
Grueling sight
There this maiden of light
Being whipped
With each strike
Her flesh being cut
Exposing her light
Each drop of her blood
Screams he’d never heard
And their story continues©

As he stood
Watching hidden
Thinking he could ignore it
Her screams permeated
His soul
He didn’t know why
He was so compelled
But he had to stop
This injustice
That was before him
As he looked up
The corners of his mouth
Grinned with pleasure
And their story continues©

He drew his swords
With strength
Of a thousand men
He cut these beasts
One by one they fell
Until none were
Left standing
Then he focused on her
He grabbed a covering
And wrapped it around her
As he did, that light
he’d been following
Disappeared
And their story continues©

As he picked her up
He saw and felt
Her light dwindling
The heart inside him
Which had been broken
And felt so much vengeance
Now ached for this light
He felt such pain inside
This king of shadows
Was turning human
And all he wanted
Was this light
And their story continues©

He knew he had to save her
As he carried her
Back to his kingdom
Of shadows
He couldn’t understand
Why she was as light
As a feather
He tended to her wounds
Which were deep
She still had not yet
Opened her eyes
Her light still had not shined
And their story continues©

One day she opened her eyes
He was taken back
By her eyes
For they were nothing
Like he’d even seen
He thought he could
See into them
Deep into her Soul
As she surveyed
Her surroundings
He asked her name
But no sound came
As she opened her lips
And their story continues©

Over the course
Of the following year
They spent their every waking moment together it seemed
His vengeance was of
Little importance to him
As he saw life from new eyes
They grew to Love deeply
Both mending their hearts
They both wanted no one else
And their story continues©

They spent time
Upon the sea
Their smiles gently returning
He protected her
He became her
Ultimate Heart
Her dream
They were never apart
As time passed
They fell in Love
With each others souls
It seemed like nothing
Could separate them
And their story continues©

He was gentle with her
Knowing he couldn’t let go
As their chemistry
Between them heated their souls
To assure his never
Ending promises to her
That he wouldn’t let go
He placed a ring
Upon her finger
Time stood still
For a single moment
And their story continues©

But,as all kingdoms go
An empty throne
Does not a kingdom make
So he pondered what to do
The decision he must make
The tears he shed were real
So he sent her away from him
Far across the bearing sea
He thought he’d protect her
This was the only way
And their story continues©

She was lost
In this new world
Tears flooded her face
She knew not why
Or what she did
Her whole soul grieved
Taking her joy away
She begged and pleaded
To no avail
Once again she was left
On her own
To fight the beasts
Of this world
Or so she thought
And their story continues©

She realizes now
Every move she’s made
He’s been watching her
From the shadows
Watching as her Heart
Broke and grieved
As she begged for him
Without a word to
Comfort her
Did he still love her
She asked
He in the shadows
Of course he needed her light
Their story continues©

So he took his throne
Thinking as he did
That he’d protected her
From his enemies
Now he carefully watches
From the shadows
Without her knowing
But he did not know
When a person gets touched
By a pure heart
That it’ll leave a hole
Once where it stood
And their story continues©

Now, this story has
Come full circle
Back to its start
Two hearts
Separated by a world
Of hate
One by choice
One by not
Most stories are fiction
Not reality based
But I’m here to tell you
This is truthfully said
The king of shadows
And his pure heart
Can their story continue?©

The End… or is it?

If you had asked me 10 years ago this particular question I would have said I don’t know. Honestly even now I don’t have an answer. How can someone who really honestly and purely Loves someone in this world even think that losing that Love ,thinks it’s ok because they had the opportunity to Love.

My whole life I’ve never known that honest,pure,authentic kind of Love. Oh, I’ve always dreamt of it. But quite frankly I never thought it would be that I’d fall deeply in Love with someone. Yes, I had hope and prayed for a miracle,but honestly never thought I’d get my miracle. But, the universe is a cruel mistress and can be very cold.

Growing up,going thru what I did I protected my heart from pain by hiding it from the world. It wasn’t hard to do not was it hard to hide the emotions that would go along with a heart that felt deeply because I didn’t want to hurt. I suffered an emense amount of physical and emotional pain. So I built a barrier around my heart and refused to allow anything to hurt it.

When I joined this platform almost 4 years ago I joined because I had become so isolated due to my extreme fear and shyness. ( yes the name “Shy” is my actual real life nickname. My cousins gave me that name years ago as a joke and to use it to bully me. And it just stuck ). I had this longing,a pull if you will. That I wanted to find some friends. I was terrified too even try. But I put that aside and joined. As time went on not only did I find friends but good friends. And my protected heart started to open up. I had people I could open up to and a community that I could be a part of. Thoes were things I’ve never had or felt before. Now, here’s where things get sticky. There was someone in that group of friends who I became extremely close with.I noticed I was feeling things I never felt before. Like blushed cheeks, my heart rate would raise, or my breathing would change. I noticed that I would become extremely excited when I’d see a message from this person. It became obvious to me that my heart was starting to change. But I kept my distance because I didn’t want to get hurt. Now I’d been writing poetry,short stories for over 30 years and this person actually was the one who convinced me to share my pieces with others. He was instrumental in getting me to open that side of me up. I noticed as I spent time with this person that my writing had changed. It became deeper and more factual of what my heart was feeling. But it still took several years to really be honest with myself. I read a lot about the heart and tried to phyco-anylais myself. And realized in an “aha” moment of clarity that I had fallen deeply in Love with this person. To say I was floored was an understatement. For like I said I never ever dreamt I would.

To be brutally honest. I have never been in Love before. To me Love was something that was foreign to me. It came with an over abundance of “white” pain. ( white pain to me is the worst possible pain one can feel. Where words become insufficient to describe ).oh yea it sent my anxiety thru the roof. But after trying to ignore what was happening to me, I finally decided after several more years to finally be extremely honest with this person about how I felt. Believe me when I tell you I have an extreme amount of patience. I wanted this person to understand what was inside my heart and how all I wanted to do was spend time with them. How they made my heart feel like I could fly. How my eyes would twinkle and dance at the mere thought of this person. How this person was all I ever thought about. But more importantly then all of that how I wanted more then anything was to give them something I’d never given to anyone before. My Heart!

Being that this was something very new to me this came with a great deal of new corners and experiences. Yea I was so scared of what would happen, but I didn’t put that into the forefront because I felt such a euphoric feeling I honestly didn’t want to focus on it. Now, I said earlier that this universe is a cruel mistress and can be very cold and that can’t be more truthful. Unbenonced to me thus person was very ill. So ill that there was a very good chance they wouldn’t make it.( I don’t know why still to this day why he didn’t say anything to me except maybe it was to protect me somehow) We spent so many days and hours together. Making plans for the future,laughing playing games,watching movies, sharing our hearts. Until one day when in a split second everything changed. Up till that day they had thought that they were in remission of sorts . Given a second chance. But things crept back up and soon they realized that they were full blown sick again. And needed more invasive treatment and surgery which they had been trying to prolong. My heart and soul felt like it left my body that day I found out after over a week of them being missing, when they decided to announce just how sick they were to everyone. I felt like I had literally died at that moment. Since that day there has been very little communication between us due to their situation and I know what goes along with this illness due to my medical background so ya I’m terrified of losing them. I have no idea nor have had any word on if they are alive or have passed and to me not knowing is extremely difficult.

With each day that passes there are moments where my heart and soul feel as if they explode. The pain is white pain. Excruciating and all consuming. So bad in fact I just want to lock my heart away for good. It feels like I want to scream but there is no sound. I want to take my heart and throw it as far away from me as I can. I feel so vulnerable and purely weakened by this. I ask myself that question. Is is good that I was able to Love and lost then not to Love at all? When my entire being feels more pain thru this then I’ve ever felt before. Is that what Love is? Becoming so vulnerable to feel such pain? How can that be when I felt such and intense Love that I felt the safest I’ve ever felt? I don’t have any answers but there’s that little tiny spark of hope that is still there. That I’m clinging to it by a micro thread to ask myself Maybe just maybe?©

Sorry for the long post but I had to get it out..

Do you remember when we first met? It was years ago. You were my confidant, my rock, my protector from all that would harm me and my strength. Despite the fear I lived in. You shaped my heart at that moment I took a leap of faith. It was like a dream. One which we never desired to wake from. Do you remember what I told you? How there would be no turning back. Hold to my words. My heart and soul. You are my morning, my sun and my stars which dance in the sky for which Love has been born. You are my chapter and verse. Words which need not be spoken, within dreams we already know. Remember our vows to never let go. So hold onto that which strengthens our resolve. Two souls connecting within this realm can not be torn or broken. And the darkness can not penetrate. So lay your weary head upon this chest and listen carefully to each beat which calls your name. Let the Love which was born guide you home. To hold this heart once more. Reach for the arms,that hold you no matter where you are. To give you strength to ride thru the storm. For I will fight this storm for this darkness can not have you. You hold the very key that fits the lock which was laid upon this heart. It was mine to give to whom I chose. I will not hide behind this wall but will choose to shout to this world of who it is that breathes my heart and soul. For you are the Love of my life and the life of my Love©

Yesterday I was hit with overlapping trauma. As a result of that I’ve made several decisions that will take effect immediately. They are as follows:

First, I want to publicly thank thoes who helped me yesterday to get out of a serious downward spiral I found myself in. Your advice and words of encouragement helped me realize that what I’m feeling is ok and that grieving is ok be tho it’s not a straight line. That my fear was normal and that there were things I could do to not only take back my power and that forgiveness isn’t about them but for me. How my actions didnt deserve what I recieved. I will be eternally grateful for the voices and friends who took the time to make sure I was ok.

Second, as a result of the seriousness of the situation from yesterday. I’ve decided the following…

I have decided to unlock my account. I should not and will not allow others to dictate to me how my life should be lived. I’ve spoken to my admins and have put in place certain protections for me and my work. The drama associated with someone taking copywrittten material of mine I will no longer adhere to. The history which is associated with this drama isn’t something that is a positive force and the fear which these people perpetuate onto others is NOT something I’ll tolerate any longer. I’m taking back my power from thoes who’s only daily goal is the destruction of others. I refuse to live my life in fear!!! I won’t subscribe to manipulating tactics,which some tried to use on me yesterday.( This person ended a 4 yr friendship and now has been hard blocked)

My life is an open book I don’t have to hide anything. So instead of assuming or thinking you know what is being infered or what “might” be ask me for I’ll clarify anything. Because you could be seriously wrong about your take on things.. My line of communication will always be open. My stance on dms remain the same as before tho as on my bio. They are reserved.

I’ve lived my whole life under fear and being terrified of losing and failure because of things which were out of my control growing up and followed me into adulthood. I would be subjected to extreme punishments for not performing to their expectations. But as of today, I will no longer condemn myself to the unadulterated pain that comes with this fear.

Many of you know I lost my laptop and and my manuscript and unfortunately due to unforseen circumstances what was saved for a new one had to be used to save my beautiful Bonzai. I know there are those who support my journey for a new one so if you want to help in that journey ask me and I’ll let you know how to help. I will open commissions for my pieces for a short time to help in that endevor.

This next thing is very important. I WILL NOT LET ANYONE DICTATE WHOM I CHOSE TO LOVE!!! MY HEART AND SOUL IS NOT UP FOR SALE!!! There are thoes who have worked tirelessly to destroy my Heart and Soul. By installing fear of some retaliation as a mechanism to control. I will not live my life under the philosophy of “we are cool as long as you don’t step over a line“ ( basically saying as long as I do what you want then you won’t attack me b.s.). You can take that b.s. back over into your corner and play keyboard warrior over there. It won’t fly here any more. Sell it to someone else. I will do everything in my power to protect my Heart and Soul. The biggest mistake one can make is to ever underestimate me.

As of today I take back my control and power over my own life. I’ve survived more trials then I care to mention and I’ve realized that I am stronger then I give myself credit for. I will not cower in the corner fearful of the shadows any longer. I don’t need or want drama in my life. I will continue to be a beakon of light and Love.

Thanks for listening…. It’s my life my choice.©

The tears I’m talking about are thoes tears which fall from the deepest parts of your soul. The ones which make you want to scream but when you open your mouth nothing comes out. The ones which takes your breath away and make you fall to your knees. I’ve been doing a lot of this kind of weeping lately.

Things have happened which have brought with it this sheer kind of pain. Things which have been clearly stated have been taken out of context or should I say misconstrued. Things which with open communication could have avoided these soul tears,but as in life not everything is as simple as that.

I’ve dealt with quite a number of issues from my sister’s fight with now lung cancer to almost losing my Bonzai to my stent in the hospital with a minor heat attack ( now back in quarantine for another 6 months) when I became stressed out due to some involvement by some unscrupulous individuals in my life,to now the knowledge that the love of my life my very heart is dieing( only finding out about it today after being with him for nearly a year). Compile that with losing one of my best friends of almost 4 years ( again today). These are just a few things which in the past few months that “Life” has handed me. Now, most people would agree that’s more then one soul can take. You think? I certainly do. That’s why I’ve been weeping soul tears.

I’m not the kind of person that plays games with my heart. It’s to dam precious of a treasure to me. You see. I don’t love easy. And as such I take every beat it beats as a gift. Let me tell you a story

Over 3 years ago I meet someone who would become the love of my life. Unbenonced to me at the time. He started off as a good friend but over the course of time I fell deeply in Love with him. Sight unseen. I was terrified because it was the first time I fell in Love with anyone like that and I was not used to opening up my heart to anyone because I’d had been hurt by so much in my life spanning from my childhood. It took me several years to get up the courage to even be honest with him about how I felt. We spent the majority of time watching movies ,laughing,and talking about life. My Love grew exponentially for him so fast and deep that sometimes I was overwhelmed by it. There were things that were planned and even a promise ring was sent and given of future promises. Now, here’s where the story takes a turn. Most of the time things were good,happy but a really important thing was forgotten about which was open communication between us. Instead of keeping thoes lines open and talking things thru. Things were taken out of context misread and unsaid. Including the fact he was dealing with an illness that will likely kill him. My life was and has been an open book to him. He knew everything. Nothing was hidden from him. I don’t believe in hiding anything. He opened doors for me to experience things I never had before. But, “Life” can be a cruel mistress. He believed I had done something so wrong against him that he couldn’t see past it. Due to someone who had set their course to hurt and destroy both of us. The fact was all I did was show how much I did Love him. I because of my Love for him I could never hurt him. He was everything to me. But instead of speaking to me about it he became so angry with me over it. I pleaded with him and tried to defend myself but by this time he had been lead to believe that I had committed an unforgivable sin. No matter what I said it didn’t matter. He lashed out at me as if I was his mortal enemy. My soul felt crushed beyond repair. This morning he put out a statement to everyone which read that he was chronically ill. And probably would not make it. I fell to my knees screaming silently weeping these soul tears begging the Creator to take me and show him mercy. Round about the same time while I was still reeling on a downward spiral from this, one of my best friends of almost 4 years messaged me and started to say somethings that sent me flying for a loop. I won’t repeat them out of consideration even tho none was shown to me. As a result of this I lost my friend. I got hit with an overlapping trauma. I silently screamed some more. My soul tears flooded my heart and stained my face. These soul tears only come from a deep loss of a connection. The ultimate grief.

Now I’m not sharing this story because I want I’m sorry or pity. I’m sharing it because I think it’s important to distinguish between tears that flow normally and soul tears and how I came to have them. My world collapsed, in fact it exploded today. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my world now or my future. Most who know me know I write pieces about Love,passions,desires,and intimacy. I don’t write them out of knowledge but out of longing for them because I have dreamt my whole life for that connection. I don’t know if I’ll ever allow myself that freedom again to let my heart fly like that. Time will be the story teller of that.

All I know is this that if you cry these soul tears you’ll know but I don’t wish this on anyone. If you Love someone tell them and if there’s a question in your relationship ask them because things can be misread and taken wrong and out of context. Don’t put on someone you Love the stain of soul tears.

I cry out isn’t I who you promised oh my Heart show mercy to your words. Take not my soul from me. For I showed no fear with these tears. Which stained my face clouding blue eyes and extinguishing their life never to dance again©

I’ve started this blog today so many times and have deleted it again and again because every time I’d write something it wasnt adequate enough of how I am feeling. Let me try and get thru this as gracefully and as concisely as I can.

I’ve protected my heart my whole life because I was terrified that it would get hurt. It’s taken me years to get it to a place where I was comfortable with it. Years of convincing myself that I was worthy of my dreams,desires,and passions. And even then I was terrified of what would happen if I allowed it to feel. I allowed it to come out of the shadows to face the reality of its existence. But as in life sometimes the reality of fear is justified. Unfortunately!!

I’ve never lived my life in lies. I don’t have to. My heart doesn’t lie not does it need to. Some would say everybody lies. “NEGATIVE ” I don’t and never have. Lies destroy the heart. I know this so well right now because I’ve faced the reality of walking thru hell today due to lies. From facing the reality that I’d been lied to and have been taken for granted by someone who i love has been extremely painful. Indescribable pain. So bad in fact it’s taken my breath away making me silently scream again and again and weep like I’ve never weeped before. People don’t understand what pushing someone thru lies can do. It paralizes you. Takes your existence away. Destroys what is your heart and soul. ( here I am again thinking I should delete this but nope I have to push thru this hell).

It’s hard to put it in context but when you believe someone loves you and they tell you that you can not fear and be yourself when you lay you life out as an open book in front of them and then they deliberately accuse you of a sin you are not guilty of and become vividly furious about that just for you to find out that they’ve with held something so serious from you that it could change the course of everything. It changes the scope of your heart. It breaks you down. You feel lost,disconnected, betrayed, hurt, pissed off,angry,sad,crushed and lost but mostly that old perpetual fear shows it ugly head. That same fear that I personally have been fighting my whole life. When you truly love someone your heart cannot lie. Love is not something that can be lied about or in. It will eat you at your very core to do. When you love someone you trust their heart. You don’t keep them at bay and only give them tidbits of yourself. It either all in or not at all. Being terrified is also a form of fear. It’s an extreme form of it. It can create a situation where you may feel like your losing. Especially when it has to do with say like the unknown or not having answers. Now imagine being that terrified of losing your heart. Your worst nightmare come to life. What do you do? Would you sit back and wait for some word or would you turn over every single rock till you find them? When you know in the pit of your gut something is wrong,would you just sit and wait? Now imagine that you’re dealing with that for day, after day, after day. Would it deplete your strength or would you reach out to ask for strength and positive thoughts? Or would you just act natualantly as if nothing mattered. Which would you chose? For me there was no question with any of it. I had to fight to keep my heart. But with most things fear can get in the way of your heart.

I don’t have any answers and would never claim I would and far be it for me to to say otherwise. All I am sure of is that when fear cripples you,you have to stand up and say “ENOUGH” !!! To fight for your heart takes courage but remember to do it with truth because anything else would make you less then you are.©

We do not chose Love. Rather, Love choses us. There are those who wonder this life never experiencing Love. In a world so cold full of hate Love exists within a realm of light. It encompasses the darkness shadowing it’s negativeness. Hiding the hate and instead shining light upon the world Sometimes little by little. Sometimes flooding the world with its ability and gifts. Through this world it gifts us the ability to spread wings of our soul and gives us a chance to open the doors of our hearts to it.

It starts as a small spark, a sneaky grin,a wayward smile of could it be possible. Butterflies within us shaking us to our very core of unlimited possibilities. It trembles our foundation as it grows within us as the embers of our heart are stroked. It takes your breath away with unlimited beauty,and possibilities. It takes hearts fuses them together and unchains the wings for us to fly.

So on this day of the union of your two hearts I want you to remember the journey it’s taken you to get here. Keep the smiles upon your hearts,and remember always the following…

Love is patient,Love is kind. It does not envy nor does it boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self seeking. It is not easily angered,nor keeps records of wrong doings. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,always trusts,always hopes, always preserves

Speak to me
Softly with
Hearts warmth
Reach for me
And hold steadily
For my Love for you
Beats deeply within
Desires and dreams
Are heaven sent
To thoes whose names
Have been fused together
Before the stars light
Place your hand
Upon this heart
And feel it call
Your name©

As I sit typing this tears are flowing down my cheeks. My emotions are all over the place and I’m not sure how to feel,but I do know I feel betrayed deeply.

Most would say “shake it off” but I’m not sure this can be so easily. You see after everything I’ve gone thru the one thing I thought I could count on was the care of some one I cared for,supported, and was there for and would have moved mountains for.

I have considered myself to be a pure heart. I don’t know how to hate. But the past several months I’ve started to understand that hate as it’s core is a contagious thing. Once it grabs you it eats at your heart removing from it the love and light. Don’t misunderstand me. I’ve known an extreme amount of hate in my life. But I’ve never hated nor has my heart allowed my love or light to diminish. I guess I just don’t understand why people align themselves with it. It clouds your judgement and you end up becoming something which doesn’t even reflect a version of your former self. Your true self. Because hate is taught not something we are born with.

When I’m told to go break a hip and die by someone whom I supported or hear that my name is being spoken by someone who by his own admission has spoken beyond harshly about others..Or when I supported someone thru thick and thin and they litterally become what they claim to detest. Or when said friend says they’d defend me but doesn’t and aligns himself with thoes who have set out to hate and hurt me. I consider that the deepest betrayal. I realize that to some what I’m saying won’t make sense. So let me see if I can simplify it .

I’ve been a member of this community for a little of 3 years. I’ve learned how to trust thru this community and how to really fall in Love thru it. How to let go of most of my fear and some of my shyness and become a confident not only writer but woman as well thru it. At the end of June will be 2 years since I lost almost everything I owned and my house. If it hadn’t been for members of this community I would have gone hungry and homeless. And as a result of that help I learned how to believe in humanity again. Some people who I had thought were my friends turned their back,while others came to the foreground. I’ll never be able to express my gratitude for them. With each lesson I’ve gone thru I’ve learned more about the human condition. Not only have I learned lessons which were good but I’ve also learned extremely harsh lessons of reality. And even for them im thankful because I wouldn’t be the upright,strong, woman I am today. I’m published and soon my own manuscript will be submitted for publication. I learned to have confidence in myself. And no one can take it from me

Now, I may not have much and now that my laptop has crashed I have even less because I can’t afford to fix it. But I won’t quit just become reality smacks me around. I guess that’s why my heart breaking over this betrayal I feel is hitting me so hard. I’ll learn to forgive but my heart will never forget.

For me there’s only one thing that matters and it’s the fact that my Heart stays with me and that I’m a Supergirl©

Recently I wrote a piece titled “The Hunters Muse”. This piece is a modern day Fairytale. A story which is rooted in reality.

My whole life I dreamt of one thing. That was to Love and to be Loved. I actually believed I was damaged goods because of what I went thru. I had hope that I would find the one who’s voice I had heard in my heart and mind for so long. As I got older it seemed to be a unreachable goal. But as life has always been… She has tricks up her sleeves.

I don’t write things without purpose nor do I take my heart as a game. I hold things close because I know very well the cold sting of immeasurable pain that comes with when the heart is abused. Maybe some would say what’s the big deal. Well, to me it is a huge deal. That’s why I’m writing this today because I’m tired of being in the shadows on this. Let me clarify

I have found my Heart. In fact it was right in front of me the entire time. I’ve fallen in Love. My soul hasn’t touched the ground since I’ve realized that I have. It’s uncanny because it happened in a blink of an eye without warning. You ask why haven’t you said anything about it? But oh, mo nami I have… with every piece I have. You ask who is it? Oh, no no monceri.. His name remains upon my lips only for now. For there are powers at be that would do everything to destroy this blissful reality. I realize that this will come as a “whattttt” to some but thoes are the facts. I have my hunter,my knight,my Heart. Whom I am in such love with sometimes I can not speak and tears flow. But that’s for another day.

The Hunters Muse is my story from beginning to end. It tells of my heart and how we came to be. My heart belongs to him. It always has always will. I just wanted to say something to let you all know that my heart is now in a place of pure happiness💖©

I’ve wondered how some hearts that are cold and filled with so much hate can be Loved by so many but the purest hearts can’t be Loved once. Its hard to put into words but ill try

When a Heart is loved you can see it. The person glows differently. It takes and shines a light that is soft and illuminates it. You can see a beauty that radiates from its deepest space. It has a beauty that words are insufficient to describe. It’s light and you can see it’s flight. But when a Heart doesn’t feel this beauty it feels cold and misplaced almost lost between the light and shadows. Most would say it’s better to have Loved once then not to have Loved at all but let me ask this. How does a Heart sink so rapidly into that abyss of shadows when it feels cold and distant. When it seeks to grasp just one small niche of Love.

Every little girl has dreams of being loved. I was no different. It was a safe dream for me to have when all the pain I was going thru got to much. Oh, I didn’t want a Knight to come galloping in on some white steed and rescue me. I just longed for a Heart who could see mine and hold it. It was just that “a dream”. I’ve never seen myself as being one of thoes girls who thought herself as being beautiful, or better then any one.I only knew I was different than the others. At least my heart was. I’d feel an overwhelming amount of pain and hold onto hope that there was a Love out there just for my heart.

So many times I’d pray and wish that I could be like the others who were noticed but being as shy as I was I didn’t think I even stood a chance.

But alas, it wasn’t meant for me. At least that’s what my heart said. It was like being caged and having your wings clipped. Planted into a ground where you didn’t want to be. As I grew up I clung to this idea of Love that.. well maybe wasn’t what Love is! I believed in fairytales of the heart. My very own fairytale. But it never happened. Not for me.

I talked once of how a Heart feels like it explodes when it’s hurt. You can’t think,or catch your breath. You want to scream so loudly that you shatter all glass. Instinctively you’re heart puts itself into a locked box to protect its self from total destruction. I’ve had this happen to mine. When this happens you’re between light and shadows. It makes things worse when you’re and empath. What I don’t get is why the purest of hearts can not seem to have its desire? Especially when it stays true.is it only there to service others?

Maybe if it was like the others it would get its own but it doesn’t ever seem that way. When its had just a small taste of its dreams, it wants more. Exposing your heart is absolutely terrifying. It makes an already vulnerable heart more vulnerable if that’s even possible.

My own heart today is not feeling beautiful it’s questioning every dream and desire it’s ever had. All it wants is to fly with its wings given out of love. But how does it do that when it feels like chains have been placed on it. To me, Love in it’s simplest form is freedom. Maybe the key is to Love without desires but what then? I’ve seen so many hearts that have this undenying calculating coldness. And thoes hearts get everything they want. Why not the ones which stay pure to Love? Maybe these questions will never get an answer but hope is enternal and just maybe if I pray really hard that I’ll have my hearts desire too.

Starlights gaze upon its one angel. Whoes screams go unheard. Her tears are as floods upon this land. She knows nothing more then to Love. Her dreams have faded into the dust. Like quicksand they seem to dissapear. Her authentically pure heart has carried her here but at what sacrifice only to be caged with the expectation of a cold world. Hear her cries and feel her tears for when an angel cries heaven loses and angel©