It’s a poient question to ask. How does one stop their heart?

Not everyone understands that the heart is deeper then they realize. It feel things which words can not define. When these feelings and emotions are touched. It sets in motion a series of events which can’t be undone.

When the Love which resides in the depths of this heart is allowed to fly. The sun’s warmth engulfs it. Nothing or no one can touch it, for it flies beyond the scope of the eyes. It takes,and digs deeper then you thought possible. It creates smiles which are contagious. There will be no scope of time, or distance. You’ll know if someone has been touched this way. You will feel it. It’s something you can see and feel from them. They will shine a light from deep inside them. If you engage with a person who has been touched this way, it will shine from their whole being.

However, there is a flip side to this. When this heart which is deeper then the bluest of oceans. Gets this light extinguished. It’ll be as the darkest grief. It will want to scream for the pain is shattering and the pieces feel scattered.The heart will feel emense physical pain. It will want to scream so loud that it shatters glass. This grief will slowly encompass the entire being with darkness and no end to it’s pain. Time has no meaning and the tears which accompanies this grief,will not stop.

Now, the reason I’ve explained it this way is because in this world with its cold calculating jagged edges. There lies pure hearts. Hearts who hold onto things money can not buy. Such as kindness, compassion, hope,empathy,faith,Love, and light. They spread Love and light with positive naratives. Now imagine one of these pure hearts ending up grieving this all surrounding pain. Will it survive? Will it stand strong to endure the insane amount of time it takes to heal? Or will it become jagged, hard,and vindictive. ?

That’s why I ask the question. Can one stop their heart? I don’t have this answer. For the heart keeps beating despite everything. It has no cushion to act as a barrier to protect it. The only way to stop this is for the heart to stop Loving. But is that possible? Or is the reason these pure hearts exist in this unforgiving world is to continue spreading Love,despite everything? Is it’s job to stand and reflect the darkness of what this world has? I mean think about it. Something happens to you which creates this sheer pain. Then seemingly out of nowhere someone will come into your life, which blindsides you. They share their light and Love with you,which comforts you,and takes the ache in your heart away. One whoes comfort seems to take the massive sting of what seems like death away.Now it could be anyone,but what if they are right in front of your eyes?

So if you encounter a pure heart know there is a specific reason they have been brought into your life. Don’t turn them away. Embrace them. For the benefit from them will surely be far more positive then to figure out how to stop your heart©

💙Never stop Living……………………💙Never stop Loving………..

Take these sorrows. Love me. Take me to heights unreached. Hold my dreams and wishes. Tell me no lies. Let me feel tonight.

Open the door with the key,which I freely gave you. Lead us inside. Let me breathe deep. Away from all this noise.

Show me desire. Reaching my deepest passions. Quenching the hunger I hold tonight. Only as your breath can.

Take away this darkness. With the heart you claim you love. Don’t sit and wonder why. Wrap me in your comfot.

Grant me my wishes. Love me with your strength. Let me feel alive. Breathe breath back into me. Don’t let go

Let your touch be my giude. Hearing my deepness. Show me what it is to live. Inside your heart. Let darkness pass us by.

Let me shake and quiver. Wipe my tears. Don’t hold back. I want to know what it is. Dont waste time. It’s never given.

Teach me what only you can. Of love and ultimate desire. Don’t leave me alone. Abandoned in this cold world.

Quench this thirst. Oh and this longing ache. Heat up my flames. Using every measure. Give my soul wings to fly.

Let time pass us by. Forget the morning dove. Let me lay to your heartbeat. Let not the sun stir what’s been started.

Reach my soul. Touch it’s inner core. Give it wings for flight. Let me know what it is to fly. Grant me my wishes©

For me this is probably the hardest blog I’ll ever have to write. This will expose me and my vulerability but I want you to know where my ultimate strength comes from.

I am not a typical girl. I have been thru more pain then most even know. Or can comprehend. Because of my history I became extremely shy,and I don’t do well with a lot of people.

I,am the middle child of three. We were all adopted from different venues. My parents were both very educated with several masters degrees in theology language,music.My father and mother were both pastors with their pastorship degrees. Yes I am a pastor’s daughter,but more then that I am a missionaries daughter.

My parents commitment to their work and their devotion ultimately cost me not only my childhood but it has followed me into my adult life. Here comes the hard part.

I am.. a product of grooming. And child sexual exploitation. My parents being so busy, they didn’t have time to take care of me. They found my Sensei and his wife to house me and take care of me during the typical school year.. Shortly before I turned 6 years old. My Sensai’s wife arrived at our home to evaluate me for the training I would receive. Shortly after I turned 6 my mother packed my bags and lead me by the hand to a coal driven train too deliver me to my Sensei. From that moment that I arrived, my life would never be the same.

Up at 5:30 classes all day bed at 9 strictly everyday. I didn’t have the chance to be a child,or to play. My sensai taught me the arts of Bushido, kendo, among others. But it wasn’t until I turned 9 that my training involed his wife. You see she taught me the art of pleasing sexually. Yes you read it right.

By the time I arrived at my sensai’s home I had already been conditioned to be seen and not heard. To obey without question and do what I was told.

The moment I turned 9 because I was still to young.I was disciplined to watch what the other girls were doing. I was terrified not understanding what the implications were. Several times a day I was taken to a special room and made to watch the other girls and how they were pleasing the men.

When I turned 12 my sensai took a trip to see my father. The meeting between him and my father was private. He had gone to seek permission from my father to take me into the next part of my training. And he received it. Waiting outside of my father’s study I remember thinking how utterly alone I felt. I was called in and was told that I was to do exactly what I was told to do and not talk back. My reply”yes Sir”. To me I knew no better this was was normal everyday life.

When we returned to my sensai’s home. Preparations were made for my indoctrination into the art of pleasing. At the same time I was still being trained in the dojo. I put my head into my martial arts training. The day came for the ceremony. The first thing they had to do was to remove my virginity which was done by a 24 year old. One of the girls had told me that I should find a place inside. A safe place where they couldn’t reach me. You see my feelings,desires and wants were something that weren’t even considered. The only one who mattered was the man And his pleasure. The art consisted of only one thing. Once I became proficient in the art. I was brought out when requested. This lasted for me until right before I turned 19.

Now before anyone asks me let me answer.. yes I tried to say something but was told to know my place and do what I was told.

Some will ask me why I’ve decided to put this out there. Well, let me explain why. You see that safe place I went to inside was deep in my soul. A place where it was warm and safe where no one could hurt me. I learned inside to love myself despite what I felt on the outside. I learned that love was the only thing which kept me alive. As I became an adult on my own, I gradually became an introvert. So badly that I didn’t go out or date and any time I thought about it, I’d get terrified. Because of all of this i have not had much expiriance with things other girls have. I always hoped that some day some way I’d find the type of love that I desired most. One which would love me because of my heart.

That’s where my pure heart came from and the authenticity of my heart and soul. I knew love kept me alive thru so much that it had to be powerful enough to override such evil. So when I say love wins, I believe it to my core. Now, I didn’t write this because I want sympathy. You can leave that outside. I DO NOT feel sorry for myself because I am strong,a warrior and a survivor. I have walked thru evils playground and am still standing.

Love heals all things. Love will never abandon you. Love is kind. Love defeats all evil. Love never will sell you out in fact it will shield you.

I don’t need someone to tell me I need to change because I believe I’ve gone thru everything I have,to be who I am right now. And trust me with the battle I am fighting right now I need every ounce of strength I can get my hands on.

I want to thank each one of you for being with me on this journey. If you chose to read this I realize how hard it was. Without you, I’d be alone and very isolated. I value each one of you. Really from my heart Thankyou💖©

I’ve held no warmth in this heart. Until the moment you found me. You took me by surprise, I was not guarded for what was before me. I turn to see you and look into your eyes. For me the care of your weary Soul is what I desire most. No other will suffice to curb this hunger. Weather magic or real, this we can not deny. The formidable force we make is not for the faint of heart. You warmth this aching with your sincerity. For the heart knows no lies with the pain which resides deep inside. Your heart with mine, never wanting this to end…. Yennefer©

I sought you out as mage
Not knowing what I’d find
You placed on  me magic
Of what kind I do not know. You seem to see the deepness of this weary soul
For a monster hunters heart
Should not feel but yet
When I close my eyes
Your sent lingers
Melting this heart. Deep to its very core. Do not to turn away.Your passions and desires you’ve shared. I beg to be a part of. Behind thoes red lips and raven hair. I’ve seen your heart. And now,your heart does hold mine You, were the one that the voice said to find. Now I’ve found that, I do not want to lose.. The Witcher ©

I think it’s time to bare my soul. To back up what and why I believe that Love always wins.

My story isn’t for the faint of heart. It is filled with pain I can only describe as “white pain.”

You see my whole life i was trained and groomed to please.. yes I said groomed. From the age of 6. I took and did exactly what i was told to do with no question. I was conditioned to forget my own feelings. I was groomed to make their feelings,wants,and yes even desires top priority. Yes that means even sexual. That started at age 9. By age 12 ,I was hands on if you catch my meaning. As a result of this when I was expected to perform, I’d find a safe place inside to go until it was over. Because of this I’ve not had many boyfriends or dates. And I have never had the opportunity to explore my own.. but that’s for another place and time. Now that I’ve given a brief history it will come evidently clear why I needed to.

Now, my story continues to when My ex and I were together. I did what was expected during the relationship. One of the things I didn’t do was raise my voice. It was yes part of my conditioning. At that point I hadn’t found my voice yet. Now, my ex hadn’t shown me any physical abuse until after we signed the marriage license. The moment we did the beatings began. Everyday it was the same. Every time I would get pregnant,when he was drunk, or when he thought I didn’t perform good enough. I tried to leave once but he found me and dragged me back. I begged my family for help,but they told me to be a good faithful Christian wife and to do what I was told. I didn’t have a choice I felt. Now, one day I’d been grocery shopping and came home to find my ex with my best friend in the middle of my kitchen ( sorry for the words) fucking hard. They didn’t even hear me come in. My Father married my ex and I so I took my vows very seriously,but when I saw this something snapped inside me and I got extremely upset. I kicked her out of my home naked. When I came back in the house. My ex husband grabbed me by the back of my head and started beating me. He opened my forehead on the cast iron table leg of our dining room table. Flipped me over breaking my jaw in 3 places,rupturing my spleen ,tearing my rotator cuff. All while I’m begging for him to stop. He got up i thought it was over and I turned to crawl away and that’s when I felt the white pain. He had gotten up to get the microwave and smashed it into the small of my back. Breaking my back.Missing killing me by an inch. Now that’s when I blacked out and woke up 2 weeks later in the hospital.

My life at that moment had changed. I couldn’t do the simplest things that everybody does every day. I had to learn how to walk again,eat,talk,and yes even go to the bathroom. Everything that everybody does every day and takes for granted I had to relearn again.it took 9 long painful months. The Dr said I would never walk again and I was determined to prove him wrong. First I had to get my upper body strength up. Once I did that then taking my first steps. It was a slow, odugious process. And I remember having trouble taking that first step. After a very particular hard physical therapy session I went back to my room. I was so fusterated and upset with myself because I was having issues. After dinner came and I was sitting alone, my therapist came in to talk to me. He told me something which stuck with me. He said I had to switch everything I felt around. Resentment into positiveness. The darkness into light. And most importantly even tho I didn’t realize it, hate into love. He said there was too much darkness clouding my way and if I wasn’t careful it would destroy me. He had told me I was different then anybody ( funny thing is that my Father said the same thing). He said if I wasn’t careful that the darkness would prevent me from being where I needed to be. That night I cried myself to sleep feeling more alone then I’d ever had. With only Dr’s and nurses and the guard at my door to talk to. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. The following day, again with therapy. They had moved me to the parallel bars. My therapist looked at me and said. Shy,( yes thats been my real nickname for years due to me being extremely shy) ” Head up fixate your eyes on me.” Then he said; ” You matter and I Love you” in that instant I felt like I could fly and I took my first step. That day I took 5, then 10, 15 and so on. I walked out of that hospital on my own 2 feet.

So you see, thoes 3 little words and the power it holds. It’s saved my life and has help me survive. I do believe it in my very core the power love holds. Nothing can come close to it or destroy it. Whether it’s telling yourself, or someone special, or friends, when it’s said it changes everything. And in this world and the chaos and evil it shows there’s one thing I am sure of.. that thru it all

Love always wins 💖💗💖©

A vunerable heart exists. A scared and shy heart,and if it were to be given to you what would you do? Would you Love it? Show it tenderness. Or would you hold it at bay and only give it intermittent Love? Would you give it time to grow and return the Love you claim?

Shy hearts do not show themselves. They tend to hide and peak around the corners. They hide from view behind a curtain to protect themselves. Only allow you to see what it wants you to see. A small intricate corner of their shy heart. Do not be fooled though, for a shy heart is stronger then most. For it comes from pain and it’s strength is what makes it a warriors heart. Do not take for granted this shy heart,if it is gifted to you. Make it feel like it’s the only thing in this world. For if you do not, you will hurt it as if you’ve sliced it with the sharpest of knives.. And nothing can help the pains you will feel when it re-hides. It will leave a hole. A bottomless pit ,where it once stood. Heed my warning,for it is not to be toyed with. Trust it’s Love and accept it’s gift. For when this shy heart Loves ,it Loves completely and with no reservations and no regrets. And it will never betray or fail from its intended goal. It knows no barriers or boundaries once it Loves. Because of its strength,it will go to many lengths to prove itself,but only if it is allowed to soar and fly beyond heights imagined. It will wrap you up in comfort,and will never let go. So why would you be a fool to ignore it and let it go? Once it’s out of hiding and it’s exposed,it will need comfort and to feel safe. Only you,the gifted one who holds the key can do that. And best you protect it,cause if it is hurt, it will dissapear without notice or direction. No one desires more then this shy heart to be Loved.so put aside your world and accept it if it is gifted to you. ©

She sits by her window, looking out into the rain through the rain soaked pane of glass. She wonders if she will ever have her desire. Closes her eyes to hold back the tears, with no success. And as they are falling down her cheeks ,she prays to whatever is in control. She never has had a problem being alone, but for some reason she is feeling abandoned and can feel the coldness of each drop of rain. She is tired and falls into a slumber from fighting her emotions, and dreams

In her dream. The sun is high,and the birds sing an unending song. The grass is so green with the smell of sweet flowers drifting on the breeze. She finds herself in her kitchen. Doing what she normally would. But something catches her ears,which is unfamiliar to her. She looks outside to see a black Sudan with tinted windows. Which She can’t see thru. She raises her head and blinks her eyes. Her heart starts to race as she turns to run to the door,but her steps are taken in slow motion. She can not shake this thought. “Could it be?” “Was it possible”? She sawng open the screen door, hitting the side of the house. She froze… “What if it was”? She looked towards the vehicle. Waiting she was trying to show bravery. The driver takes the handle of the back door and opens it slowly. Her heart is pounding harder. He steps one foot out at a time and comes into full view. She sees him, but cannot move. He sees her, smiles with a smirk, which lightens up even the brightest of days. He sees her blue eyes and their questioning, and says” Come’er ” she can see herself slowly running to him. His arms outstretched as she goes deep into their comfort . He looks down and lifts her chin smiles and says ” I’m here ,No more fear.” She knows what comes next and braves herself for the heaven sent Lovers first kiss. Her legs are weak and she prays they will hold her, for her long awaited time is finally near. He holds her face in his hands while lip to lip, sending the passion flying after all this time. Her desire unimaginable, and his acceptance undeniable as the world dissapears, with only two of them allowed. A moment in time, stopping the day at the very second…. Of Lovers First Kiss©

Each sent, Prayers for a Loving heart that they feared unanswered. Except, one day a chance encounter. Where Lovers fall deep. Deepened by time and space. Unbridled connection from this first hello. Faith and fate, brings two as one. Questions asked and answered,each reply sending deeper their connection. Neither can explain. No words can define. This Loves overwhelming sense. No one or nothing else exists. No obsticles, as the world dissapears. Hearts speaks of wants and desires. Fire and ice. Heated hearts embrace. Two bodies one soul. Intertwined together. Lovers first exchange unending. Unbreakable desire, passion uncontrolled. Nothing can cease their deepness. No measure or defination as fire rages. Nothing has calmed this heated desire. A thirst unquenched. No limits to it’s embrace. Their desires flamed. Only with this chance encounter, do these Lovers fly. Given reign over the skies. Stillness now gifted, to their spirits. Oaths given and recieved. Futures ignited. Two as one…. With These Prayers Answered..©

This world is cold and calculating. Harsh and flippant. It grabs hold of you and drains you of everything. It mimics, what is good and convinces you that you must do the things it demands of you. It will sap you of your energy and will expect your full-undevided attention. And gives no quarter for thoes who are left behind. Some would say ,it is okay to do all of it, but they forget that the world has no regard for things unseen. Things which cannot be bought. I, however,can see. For I am a sleeping Lioness and becareful of waking me. I will defend My Love at all costs. I can be peaceful and calm taking things in stride. Until I feel the things I hold dear are threatened. I will observe carefully and with focus to see,that you said world, do not take a step out of place. Beware said world and heed my warning, for this sleeping Lioness doth stir. For when I awake you will not be ready for my power. I will become a firey and fierce warrior, defending everything that is good. All that I hold dear you have in your sights. From my deepest Love to the many I hold. You said world, have no power here. For once you overstep believing, your power is solidly placed,and your control over many is solidified, your mistake begins. I will not show you my jealousy, for you earn it not. You said world, would destroy everything with no guilt. You would tear apart the very fabric of what is good and replace it with greed and hunger. You hold no solace for thoes who you destroy. You feed off their destruction. Gaining power or so you think. But I am here said world, to correct you. For there are many like me,who will awaken and defend it all. Do not test this sleeping Lioness. For you will see the broaden reach we hold. For not only am I a Lioness, but a Queen , King protected. And will defend with all that I hold.©