To many times, I’ve seen pain. Pain that defines a person. Some would say, that,this kind of pain, would seperate the strong from the weak. I don’t know about that because the very part of my being which hurts the worst, one cannot see. Let me try and explain.
My whole life, I’ve been one way.. super shy. Yes little ole me. I’ve never been one of thoes people who party, or go out with friends. It scared me to even think about. I’ve always have had trouble reaching out for what I’ve wanted due to how I was raised,and the schooling I had. I was taught to serve and please others and consider myself unimportant.That my needs and desires DID NOT matter. I’ve always felt something was missing tho,and have intermittently throughout my life tried to search for it with dire consequences. ( I’ll talk about this later).
I have to say, I am really surprised ,because as of late I actually took myself out of my comfort zone. I felt something so deep that I couldn’t breathe. It came out of nowhere, smacking me right to my very core. I wasn’t looking for it,nor did I expect it. I allowed myself to feel for the first time. A feeling which gave me freedom from the chains which held my life down. A deep, rich, and centered feeling. Words cannot describe it. A feeling which allowed me to shed my fear and set my heart and soul on fire. Something that I’ve never felt before. I let go of my inhibitions and put myself in a place, where some would say made me vulnerable,but I felt so alive It didn’t even feel that way. To be honest, in that moment I didn’t care. But as in every story, there came a heaviness, a dark storm. A change in my frequency. A shift in my matrix. I actually felt my heart and soul explode. I couldn’t think or breathe. I felt like I was dying..
Now, I’ve never felt that I truly belonged here. I was different from everybody. I had concentrated on love and light. Trying to spread it everywhere in this ever changing chaotic negative world. I felt that it somehow was my job. So, when this happened to me I felt so lost. Like I wanted to go home. The past 6 months have been for me, something out of a horror movie. From losing my home of 6 years to the landlord selling the house, to losing just about everything I owned. To being so sick.To fighting just to live.Never knowing what bomb would strike me next. But even everything I’ve been thru doesn’t come anywhere near the pain I felt when my heart and soul exploded. I have yet to stop the tears from flowing. They just keep coming.
©“What would it take O Father for me to feel again?” “What are you willing to sacrifice?”a voice replied. With no time passed. “My tears”. She cried out. The silence was deafening. Sadness abound. For they are more precious then gems and when a Angel loses her tears. Heaven loses an Angel..©
heaven's sent 